How Your Words Shape Your World (and Everyone Else’s)

Sometimes, the way we talk about our lives says more about our mindset than the life we’re actually living…

A Gym Chat That Changed My Perspective

The other day, during a routine chat at the gym, someone asked me the simplest question: “How are you doing?” I didn’t think much of it and rambled on about work—specifically, how a day filled with back-to-back meetings had left me feeling drained. It was small talk at its finest: a sprinkle of mild complaints, a dash of monotony. Nothing dramatic.

But then, my gym buddy’s response caught me off guard. It wasn’t what he said exactly—it was how he said it. There was a subtle undertone of pity in his voice, and it hit me like a truck. Wait, pity? For me? That’s when the lightbulb moment happened: Was I unintentionally painting my life as something worthy of pity?

The Life I Live vs. The Life I Project

Let me clarify something: I genuinely love my life. I have a fulfilling job, a supportive network of friends and family, and plenty of time to pursue my passions. Yet, in that small moment of gym chatter, I managed to make it sound like my life was one long string of exhausting Zoom calls.

This realization was humbling. It wasn’t about my friend’s reaction—it was about the narrative I’d unconsciously chosen. I’d zoomed in on the negatives of my day as if they were the most compelling things to share, all while ignoring the 99 wonderful reasons I had to smile. Turns out, when you let complaints dominate your story, you project a version of yourself that might not match the reality you’re living.

How Complaining Shapes Perception (Yours and Others’)

How you talk about your life shapes how others see you—and how they see you can subtly reinforce how you see yourself. For instance, if you casually complain about your job every time someone asks about it, people might start treating you as “that person who hates their job.”

And guess what? When people treat you like that, you’re more likely to internalize it. It’s a self-fulfilling loop of negativity. It’s not just your own perspective that gets skewed—everyone around you starts echoing it back. So that one little complaint? It’s like dropping a pebble in a pond. The ripples go much further than you realize.

Rewriting Your Narrative

This doesn’t mean you have to fake positivity or lie about your struggles. Life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, and venting has its place. But there’s a difference between acknowledging challenges and letting them define your narrative.

You have the power to choose what parts of your life you emphasize. Instead of saying, “Work was exhausting today,” you could say, “It was a busy day, but I learned a lot.” It’s subtle, but that shift can change not only how you feel but how others perceive you. When you focus on the positive, people around you often mirror that energy—and suddenly, your life feels a little brighter.

The Ripple Effect of Positivity

Here’s the truth: positivity is contagious (as is negativity!). When you talk about the good in your life, you’re more likely to attract uplifting conversations and encouraging interactions. And the best part? Those interactions reinforce the good things you already know to be true about your life.

This doesn’t mean ignoring the negatives—it’s about perspective. You can hate your job and still choose not to dwell on it in every conversation. You can acknowledge a tough day while remembering that it doesn’t define your week, your month, or your life.

Final Thoughts: What Are You Reflecting?

So, here’s the challenge I’m setting for myself (and maybe for you, too): the next time someone asks how I’m doing, I’ll pause. I’ll think about the parts of my day that made me smile, laugh, or feel accomplished. Because the story I tell about my life matters—not just to me, but to everyone I interact with.

Complaining might feel like the easiest thing to do in the moment, but it’s worth asking yourself: Is this the story I want to reflect back into the world? Because what you project is often exactly what you’ll get in return.